**this is a vent of sorts....so feel free to skip past this one**
**Language Alert**
Will I ever learn to say "Let me get back to you" before I open my fat mouth and blurt out "Yes!". I am seriously kicking myself in the ass right now-I can't believe what I just did. I put that lousy part time job that I really don't like before my kids. What the hell is wrong with me????
On another day, it probably wouldn't be that big of a deal-but today it is. Today, Tool Time and Payback are away on a camping trip, so it's just me and the boys this weekend. I was scheduled to work from 4:30-9:30 tonight, and as much as I'm not thrilled with the idea-my boys are home alone. PeterSam is really responsible, and the neighbors always know when they are here alone. Is this ideal-no, could the State of FL nail me on this-maybe. But it is what it is, I'd lose $$ paying a sitter, and due to the financial distress that we are in-I have to work.
My Child Boss called me this morning, and asked me to come in at 3 so she can get out early. I SAID YES??????? How fucking stupid am I????? I hung up the phone, and after a few minutes started thinking about what I just did. Child Boss is 24, and single. I'm not stupid, I know she is not running home to a family-she is running home to the penis of the month and whatever drinking plans they have for tonight. I am sacrificing my kids for this? This job that I make a shitty $8 an hour at? This job that I really don't care for? I am shooting myself in the foot-AGAIN. I do this to myself ALL THE TIME.
What is that saying about Martyrs dying on the Cross? I'm done with it-I'm done with saying Yes at the drop of a hat, I'm done letting my kids take the back seat to a job. I'm done letting Child Boss abuse me because she knows I need the money. My kids, my family have got to come first. Yes, I took the job to help my family, but really, what good does it do if I have to sacrifice the welfare of my children? (okay that may be a bit of an exageration-it's only 1.5 hours difference)
I just made a phone call.......
Child Boss is not too pleased, but I don't give a rats ass. I told her getting there at 3 is impossible-and it is. G-man is at a birthday party that is done at 2. PeterSam is at a friends house until 2:30. Considering the driving-I will be in the car for a good 45 minutes picking them up-and it takes me 15 min. to get to the crappy job. (Why am I justifying this to anyone?) Child Boss asked "3:15, 3:30, what time?" I told her I would get back to her as soon as I knew. Screw You, you get paid your salary regardless of whether you stay or go-so don't push me to give you a set time.
Damn, I'm pissed. But at least I learned a lesson.
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I am glad you took a step back and took a deep breath. Hope you have better days.
ReplyDeleteGood for you! It is SO HARD to say no sometimes, even when we know we should. It took me years to be able to do it, and sometimes I still crumple. It's rare now, though. Thank God for caller ID - if I know they're calling to see if I can work extra I just don't answer :)
ReplyDeleteWoo Hoo! I love this post! I am here from the party, but HAD to comment on this. NOW, stick to it, Sister..... (I know, I know, easier said than done). But good for you, calling her back and saying no.
ReplyDelete(oh, and um I hope you'll visit my blog when you get the time)